The international adventures of a singing, dancing zombie queen.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Valid Self Endorsement

I am proud of myself.

It's 2:46 in the morning. I went out to celebrate my year since quitting (no puffs, no serious reconsiderations, only some nostalgia that in no way stood up to emotional or rational logic). I danced with the lovely Jess, I saw an old friend whom I met in '95. I re-met a lovely lady whom I suspected was quite cool, and we re-connected, clearing up some assumptions and re-affirming other assumptions about her being smart and a pleasure to talk with.

And then I came home to manfriend, who was brushing his teeth after falling asleep with our kittonz on the couch. He's in bed right now, warming our snuggletown.
And I am eating a quesadilla and feeling proud.
I am proud of myself.
I am proud to be the kind of person that, 13 years later, someone can re-meet and have an enjoyable conversation with.
I am proud to be a nonsmoker.
I am proud to be a good dancer.
I am proud to be a friend of a wonderful PhD psychologist who is funny, brilliant, dedicated, caring, kind, and has morals that I also feel passionate about.
I am proud to be happy with my body.
I am proud to have worked through my issues to the point where I can say and feel and be clear with myself about my emotional needs.
I am proud to admit that I want to be loved, and I am proud to be able to not settle for affection that requires me to humiliate or degrade myself.
I am proud to be loved in a way that makes me feel like I can demand respect.
I am proud that I can unify this feeling with my desire to please people -- so that both can work in harmony to help me be a happier person.
I am proud to understand, integrally, that I deserve to be HAPPY and LOVED.
I a incredibly, humble-ly greatful to be engaged to a man who gives me love, humor, respect, tenderness, and passionate appreciation for being who I am.
I am proud to see the difference between a sexy woman and a desperate teenager. (FINALLY)
I am proud to wait at crosswalks because my dad told me that he never J-walks when I was 18.
I am proud to be appreciated by my peers for being funny and goofy and lighthearted.
I am VERY proud to be appreciated by my peers for being a woman of my word.
I am proud to be sought out by my peers who, years ago, were put off by my loud personality, and now trust me for my longstanding presence, reliability and accomplishments.
I am proud to be able to create choreography super-quickly.
I am proud to be at the "just needs a wee bit of polishing" stage in my thesis writing.
I am proud to be completely confident that I will be graduating in 3 months and 17 days with my MFA.
I am proud to be who I am.
I am proud to be loved by such a talented, gracious, kind and brilliant man.
I am proud to have raised such amazing kittons with Steev.
I am proud to have friendships over ten years old, despite having moved so much in my youth.
I am proud that my mother is proud of me.
I am proud to have written the longest thesis in my class.
I am proud to create the work that I create; even when I am not sure that I am proud of the work.
I am proud to have an audacious and refreshingly unusual sense of humor.
I am proud that I sing songs that I make up, often by covering another song with invented lyrics.
I am proud of my singing abilities.
I am proud of my listening abilities.
I am proud of my emotional boundaries (even when it is hard/disappointing to enforce them.)
I am proud of my newfound cooking skills -- REALLY. I am impresing myself! WHOOT!
I am proud to make friends with folks of all types.
I am proud to enjoy the company of my wonderful carpool, Ann, whose cheeriness is inspiring.
I am proud to be honest with myself about my shortcomings.
I am proud to have grasped the idea that privacy is valuable.
I am proud to be able to write a list of appreciation for myself.
I am proud to be smart.
I am proud to know better than to listen to people's opinions about me when they are in the process of feeling scared or hurt -- not without a grain of salt.
I am proud to be capable of recognizing people who -- even when they are scared or hurt -- reflect their point of view to me in a constructive manner.
I a proud to be with someone who communicates at least as well as I do.
I am proud to be with a man who is greatful for the mental/emotional work that I have accomplished.
I am proud to have a wonderful bed to go home to...
THANK you, all you wonderful thing couldn't help.
I am proud to be with a man who smiles when he sees me at the end of the day; a man who tells m me what his wants and needs are, and who does a whole buncha buncha buncha what he can to help me acheive my goals.
I am proud to have found and founded a home for my family life.
I am proud to be at a place in my life where I feel totally secure in not going through any severe hardgsips to that you se coming....

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Dance & Fitness Faculty member at San Francisco Peninsula Community Colleges, Director, Choreographer & Featured Dancer, Founder of the Living Dead Girlz, and Owner of the Steele Dance Company, which provides entertainment for festivals, corporate events, conventions and private events. Teaching private dance lessons and creating choreography since 1997, Steele graduated from the University of California at Berkeley with a Double Major in Dance and Comparative Literature and completed her Master of Fine Arts in Dance and Choreography at Mills College. She has toured all the major cities in Germany and performed at the Cannes Film Festival as the featured dancer in TRIP -- Remix Your Experience, a multimedia exhibition of film, live music and art. Steele has also performed as a featured dancer for RJ Reynolds (CAMEL) promotional events. Steele currently manages the go-go dancers of "Poor Impulse Control," who perform frequently in San Francisco's industrial, alternative, and rock venues.