The international adventures of a singing, dancing zombie queen.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Afraid to Post

I just pondered, deeply, the idea of starting a new blog.
Maybe part of me thinks that "Curly Ripe Meat" is no longer a very interesting blog title.
Maybe CRM should be my blog for adventures, real life, pictures, etc., and not my editorials.

Maybe I'm still a bit bruised from the backlash I got about a Starbucks cup, and about my posts on maturity and the couple-dates I'd been longing for (and now am loving!)...
And being bruised is okay, and careful about people's feelings.

of all of the wind that blows through your hair when you're young (and turns out to be farts), of all the passion of unfettered horses running wild (that you can't keep up with)... speaking my mind is one of the things I loved most about my youthful self. There has always been a power and a freedom in being willing to sense, analyze and express my opinions in life.

A power that scares others. A power that intimidates. And I've spent a lot of time in the last few years learning how not to intimidate others unintentionally. I'm glad of that. I'm glad of being softer and more approachable, and of how that makes me more able to give.

But, sometimes I miss the freedom, and considering chopping my journal in two after seven years seems rather constricting to me.
So, it makes me think that, perhaps, one of the ways that I don't want to get old is by letting people crush my inquisitive writing.

Now; understand me -- I don't mean that I should be cruel or rude to people; I've always had too much of a desire to be elegant to be insulting out of ignorance or carelessness. However; speaking abstractly in my own blog, which no-one has to read... well... I believe that I should feel comfortable here. And I miss trusting my instinct to not be a total ASS by accident.

Writing this reminds me of now old disagreements about whether it's okay to blog in a way that might cause others offense. I hold that it isn't honorable or kind to be hurtful to someone directly; some respond that one should be free to journal about whatever they want. I put stock in the validity and benefits of abstract thought and debate, but this, too, can backfire if the reader's application of the abstraction reflects negatively.

But, honestly.... I don't need to feel responsible for everyone's reactions to my opinions. Maybe we disagree! Maybe I sound shallow to you, petty. Maybe it hurts that I'm in a different place than you are, and view my experiences in a different way than you view similar experiences of your own. And that's okay!

That I am going to venture out of my fear and feel free to opine.

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Dance & Fitness Faculty member at San Francisco Peninsula Community Colleges, Director, Choreographer & Featured Dancer, Founder of the Living Dead Girlz, and Owner of the Steele Dance Company, which provides entertainment for festivals, corporate events, conventions and private events. Teaching private dance lessons and creating choreography since 1997, Steele graduated from the University of California at Berkeley with a Double Major in Dance and Comparative Literature and completed her Master of Fine Arts in Dance and Choreography at Mills College. She has toured all the major cities in Germany and performed at the Cannes Film Festival as the featured dancer in TRIP -- Remix Your Experience, a multimedia exhibition of film, live music and art. Steele has also performed as a featured dancer for RJ Reynolds (CAMEL) promotional events. Steele currently manages the go-go dancers of "Poor Impulse Control," who perform frequently in San Francisco's industrial, alternative, and rock venues.